"F———!!!": Taylor Swift's Hottest New Single

The country-singer-turned-earthquake-inducer continues to test the limits of the music industry: this time, testing how many times you can cram the F word into one song.

Taylor Swift performing "F———!!!" during her THE DEPRESSED STONERS DEPARTMENT tour. Credit: Shutterstock

NEW YORK CITY — Following the immensely successful release of her previous album, THE DEPRESSED STONERS DEPARTMENT, cultural icon and local football simp Taylor Swift has released a new single titled “F———!!!”.

Swift’s THE DEPRESSED STONERS DEPARTMENT has been critically acclaimed for the definite absence of laziness, whining, and monotone singing—but the album received the most praise for the immense volume of four-letter words deemed unsuitable for print. Its most popular single, “Down Bad”, contained the redactable in question 18 times within the span of four and a half minutes. Although Swift’s music does not have a reputation for being overly explicit, devout Swifties had no option but to clamor for more.

The country-singer-turned-earthquake-inducer decided to satisfy the demands of her ravenous fans and write a new single, “F———!!!”, which consists of two hundred and ninety-five F-bombs layered atop background tracks you might hear at the local shopping mall. Naturally, the song was at the top of the charts within hours of its release. Swift announced that this surprise release would be the first track of a new album, ******* *****-*** *****, in which she plans to experiment with all profanities in existence. The singer has reassured the public that there would be “no clean words whatsoever” in the upcoming release.

At press time, a secret cult of “former Swifties” were arrested for worshipping the "old Taylor" and are now on trial for heresy, blasphemy, and sacrilege… their sentence will likely entail being forced to listen to THE DEPRESSED STONERS DEPARTMENT while repenting their sins.