[Archive] The June 27th Presidential Debate

It was quite a spectacle as the incumbent, a worn-out gym sock, faced relentless verbal and olfactory attacks from the challenger, a large green pig from Angry Birds.

The green pig and the gym sock face off in an epic battle for the presidency. Credit: Crusty Nerd Network 06/27/2024

[ Archive: 06/28/2024 ]

WACO, TX. — Last night, a debate took place between the two final presidential candidates: a green pig from Angry Birds and a worn-out gym sock.

Mr. Pig began the night by unleashing a rather lengthy stream of insults and flatulence, which were nearly impossible to discern from each other. The host eventually had to inform Mr. Pig that he had exceeded his speaking time by six and a half minutes, and when the candidate did not stop yelling his microphone was shut off. (The host proceeded to rummage through his man purse for a spare clothespin.)

The incumbent Mr. Sock, for his part, was unable to speak for himself due to the numerous holes and unsuccessful patches near the toe area. The problem was solved when a major figure from his party jumped up from the audience, shoved his hand up Mr. Sock’s rear end, and began exercising his long-resting ventriloquism skills.

The first question asked by the host revolved around the candidates’ proposed solutions to current economic challenges. As Mr. Sock was himself unable to speak, the political figure assisting the candidate manually opened and closed his mouth while squeaking that the U.S. economy has never in history been better than under his administration, and of course interest rates would come down below 48%.

Mr. Pig interrupted the incumbent’s response and began calling him names which are not quite suitable for print. The other little green pigs in the audience cheered him on while he avoided the host’s questions, which apparently proved quite difficult for him as he proceeded to expel gas from both ends. At this point, some of the pigs began chanting “real men wear diapers”, causing the host to request that Mr. Pig please stop farting.

An exit poll showed that 99% of Americans felt confident that either a green pig from Angry Birds or a worn-out gym sock could actually lead the nation.